Toy Story and My Childhood
Walking in to the movie theater to see the first Toy Story is a memory that has not left me in the 10 plus years of life since it occurred. At that time in my life, at the impressionable age of 11, going to the movies was a magical experience. The smell of the popcorn, the lighting of the theater, the cold air of the theater, all experiences of pure joy for a young mind like mine. My father sat me and my younger brother down and soon I unknowingly embarked on a journey that would parallel mine from my childhood to my adult years. As I watched the first computer animated full feature I was wowed not by the visuals but by the story and characters. At that time (and maybe still now) I believed that when I left my rooms my toys came to life. Soo much so that I felt anguish when toys were given or thrown away, I felt as if I were losing a friend. Growing up on movies like Brave Little Toaster and the Raggedy Anne helped me along but this film was a focal point for me. When the credits rolled I knew I would love this movie forever and though my mind wasn’t on a sequel yet I felt the story must go on.
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The characters had a lot of familiarity with me. I went from loving cowboys with movies like Young Guns and Tombstone to loving sci fi when I discovered Star Wars. My lifelong volatile love affair with Star Wars is another issue for another time, though I doubt there is enough space on the limitless internet for me to express all my feelings. But down to the Rex with his stylized dinosaur features reminded me of a toy I did, or still, own. When the characters returned again for Toy Story 2 I had recently transitioned from junior high to high school. Having to leave friends and different parts of my life to face the good, the bad, and the puberty of growing up and again I felt a strong synchronicity between myself and the journey of Woody, Buzz, Jessie, and Andy. To this day I remember a small red bear who used to sing a goodnight lullaby and to this day the thought of losing that toy brings tears to my eyes. The narratives of the inevitability of growing up and if the relationships we maintain are worth the eventual pain make the story of Toy Story 2 still my favorite of those films. In all honesty one of my favorites of all time. The choice to run away or stick it out with the ones we love is a choice we all face several times in our lives. And the bravery to tell that story in child’s film makes it timeless and great.
Many heartbreaks and many more joys had come in my journey when I walked into the Arclight to watch the last Toy Story film. As the film started I loved beyond words that they started where it all began. Seeing toys in their own world and their adventure as real as it is in our minds. Those of us who love toys have had to put them away for different reasons and seeing the cast of toys I know all too well in that chest was the first of many emotional moments for me. As this last film played before my now adult eyes I enjoyed it while realizing that I have grown up beside these characters. I watched and couldn’t help but wonder if this journey had happened to toys that have left my custody. Though I knew better my imagination would always go there and it forever will. I wonder if my toys kept the love I had for them in their hearts or if they had let the pain corrupt them. And though these themes parallel beyond the lives we have with our toys for myself and my brothers it is much stronger and closer. And as I cried when Andy gave his toys a new life with a different kid I felt moved. I felt childish and mature at the same time. Much how we have to give the things and people we love new life beyond our spheres of happiness. As I walked out and realized that this would be the last time I saw a Toy Story film on the big screen, I felt like these movies and I had completed a journey together. More than any other films I have seen, I grew up WITH these movies and they will always have a special place in my heart.
And lastly for those who would doubt. Mr Belvedere is a stuffed bear I have had as long as I can remember. I love him as much as any living person and he has been there for me as much more than a toy. He is remembrance of people and memories long and short gone. He is a reminder of my love I have for things and people still in my life. He has as much of my tears and love in him to replace his stuffing 100 times over. If my house were burning he is the first thing I would go after. I know I am not alone in this feeling and I encourage those of you who share my story to watch these films and realize how amazing this is. To share an intimate part of your life with characters on a screen written and voiced by people you have never met. But growing and changing together in way that has to be more than coincidence. One of my greatest wishes is to one day see my son or daughter holding Mr. Belvedere and watching this films, knowing that the love I have in me can live on both in that toy and in that child. And lastly that nothing on Earth can break that bond or the story that is told through it. Sorry, this turned out heavier than I imagined but there it is. My best friend told me I would love this movie but I had no idea how the end of the journey would affect me. It has filled me with sorrow and love as well as happiness and well, isn’t that life in nutshell.
